Funny Birthday Quotes

Funny birthday quotes aren’t hard to find these days, because when it comes to getting older, there’s always something to joke about. Having a sense of humor about your age can help to make birthdays a little easier to stomach. For example, here are some funny birthday quotes spoken by well-known comedians and celebrities:

“There is still no cure for the common birthday.”
– John Glenn

“Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the heck happened.”
– Cora Harvey Armstrong

“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.”
– Sam Ewing

“Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.”
– Anonymous”Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed.”
– Anthony Powell

“A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.”
– Robert Frost

“When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m five I’ll be 64.”
– Anonymous

“Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.”
– Stephen Wright

“When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.”
– Mark Twain

“I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.”
– Phyllis Diller

“In dog years, I’m dead.”
– Anonymous

“I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.”
– Harry Hershfield

“A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ”At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.”
– Claude D. Pepper

Of course, not everyone dreads getting older. Many people choose to put a positive spin on the inevitable passing of time. Check out these inspirational funny birthday quotes:

“It is not how old you are, but how you are old.”
– Marie Dressler

“Some people, no matter how old they get, never lose their beauty – they merely move it from their faces into their hearts.”
– Martin Buxbaum”Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.”
– Dave Barry

“Youth is a disease from which we all recover.”
– Dorothy Fulheim

“You’re not 40, you’re eighteen with 22 years experience.”
– Anonymous

“To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.”
– Bernard Baruch

No matter how you choose to see it, birthdays are a great opportunity to have a few laughs and make peace with getting older. And funny birthday quotes sure make that easier to do!